.

moments like these are the ones i fear the most. when i’m sitting here swallowing pots and pots of coffee, doing homework for myself, and my boyfriend. when the house is so quiet i can hear the clocks ticking. when my boyfriend is no where to be found. when my mother just told me some very horrific news. when everything in my life doesn’t make any sense anymore, or ever. when i think how insignificant i’m making my life- a life i take for granted so often. when everyone around me is just as lost as i am. when i had enough money today to put 9 fucking dollars in my gas tank. when the semester is almost over and i didn’t learn a god damn thing. when the semester’s almost over and there wasn’t a day i went into class without being hungover as fuck, or exhausted from staying up all night doing things i’m not proud of. when i realize how much money i’ve spent on doing those same things i’m not proud of. when i realize how much of myself i’ve given to the same person that i’m sitting here doing homework for. the same person that i have no idea where he’s at. the same person that has hurt me so many times, i’ve lost count. when i look at myself in the mirror, and all i see is tired eyes and all my other flaws. when i look into my checking and savings accounts and realize i’ve spent all the money i’ve ever had. when i realize i work at a fucking restaurant and go to a community college.

i’m sucking at life, and it sucks.